so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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