Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
