You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
