OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize