This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
