this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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