I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
