My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
