yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
