How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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