"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
