I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
