my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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