Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
