He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
