And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
