It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
