I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
