her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
