dude i'm inner monologue high
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
