The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
