Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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