he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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