Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
