The maid of honor just puked.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
