After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
