Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
