Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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