I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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