I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
