im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
