I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
