i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize