listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
