i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize