It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
