My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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