yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
