I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Life is so much better after having sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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