nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize