i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
