Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
