new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
