Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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