I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
