what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
