I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
