is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
