I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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