Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize