saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
