..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
