At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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