Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
