you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
