Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
