At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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