I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
