i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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