I wish my penis had an off switch
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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