we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
