new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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