either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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